They found me and got me out of there last night.
I’m back on my ship. Nea’s still camped out in the cargo bay.
I don’t know what to think any more. To do any more. Maybe it’s just the last bits of spice in my system, maybe I’m still…
I’m not going anywhere. I just signed that damn contract. I’m the primary shipping contractor for the 7th, that’s not changing.
Even if Jerax is acting like he wants to leave me. I didn’t even fucking know he was there last night until we were back on my ship. Fucking Dhen’s the one who carried me out of there, picked me right up and threw me over his shoulder, while Ihlrath ran distraction. I didn’t even fucking see Jerax until Dhen was patching me up and resetting my nose.
And he wouldn’t even fucking look at me. He wouldn’t touch me until he curled up on the med bay bed to go to sleep. I guess I should be thankful for that, that he slept with me instead of in the other room. But… did he think I was in that cage for fun? That that’s what I wanted to do?
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe his feelings for me aren’t like mine are for him. I guess we have to have that talk.
And this is two life-debts I owe Dhen now. Damn it. Can’t buy those away with whiskey and rum, no matter how classy the label. And fucking… I don’t even know. It must have been the spice. Pretty sure he wasn’t looking at me like that later, when we were talking. Like he wanted to just pick me up and kiss me right there. Must have been the fuckin’ spice.
I fucking hate that shit.
I fucking hate everything right now.
Things were supposed to get better. I was supposed to go away for a day or three and come back and everything was supposed to be better.
Nothing is better.