That's CAPTAIN Vyen'a to you, kid.

Everything is Wrong

HOLO 2.245.23://

It’s taken me a week to process this. An entire week.

We’ve been moved off Voss. Everything is wrong.

A few days after Jerax and I got back from Corellia, back from visiting his family, the seventh was escorting Ihlrath and that bitch Alysen or whatever her name is to some fancy-ass Jedi or Voss temple. I don’t even know. They were taking that holocron that they found there for safe-keeping.

And we were ambushed on the way. Fucking Sith. And it was a total clusterfuck and Jerax… he panicked. Morgan had more in-field experience and he screamed for a retreat while still standing his ground and Jerax listened instead of stepping up and taking charge.

Morgan and Jayl were captured. Sargis and Lugah and Astor were injured, badly.

And that fucking bitch Alysen thought that her little glowbox was worth more than the lives of Morgan and Jayl. And she half got her way. They traded it for Jayl.

We didn’t get Morgan back. He’s gone. The Sith took him.

We’ll never get him back. I know what Sith do; all I have to to is ask Bald’s girl, still huddled in my cargo bay. Her eyes turned even more haunted when I told her what happened.

And she’s got a roommate now. Morgan’s girl Katalin didn’t take the news well. Obviously. She’s some little Jedi padawan but apparently she and Morgan had a little something going on the side. So now she’s in my cargo bay with Ty’nea, both with their little corners and their little bunks and crying themselves to sleep every night.

Jerax is a mess. I’ve never seen him like this. He completely blames himself for everything: the ambush, the captures, losing Morgan. I try to do what I can for him, but there’s only so much I can do. He’s not sleeping; when he does, he has nightmares.

And I feel horrible because I still have Jerax here with me. He’s not on the other side of the galaxy. He’s not been dragged off by Sith to an unknown end. But I don’t know how long that’ll last. Every day brings a fresh new hell and I’m terrified that one day soon I’ll be curled on my bed weeping along with Nea and Kat. I’ve half a mind to ask him to marry me; so he’ll know that even if that day comes, I wanted it to be forever with him. So he can have some security out here.

Maybe so I can have some, too.

And the Marran retreated to Tython. Ihlrath packed them all up off Voss to recuperate. Less than impressed with him right now; all he lost was a glowbox. He’s not answering his comm. Jerax needs strong allies right now and he took his jedi club and left.

I wish Bald was here. I wish Morgan was here.

I wish I never heard of Voss.

Visual Feed

!!!ALERT!!!

Visual Feed attached.  Commence playback?:  Y/N

*The loud roar of a transport ship filters through the speakers before the static stops, settling on a familiar face.  Her eyes, however, are bloodshot and puffy, her cheeks drawn, and her mouth in an unsettling frown.  She sniffs before opening her mouth, laughing sharply.  It’s not a happy sound.*

I should be happy.  I should be fuckin’ ecstatic.  Morgan’s back.  They found him, and got him free.  Alive, too.  Pretty fucked up, but alive.  Last I saw him, he was floating in kolto on the fleet, Katalin practically hugging the tank to be near him.

*She grimaces, running her hand through her hair*

Fuckin’ Ozakif had to start picking.  And picking.  And…

Fuck.  I hate it.  He’s right.  That fuckin’ busted chronometer was right on time for once.  The lieutenant pays more attention to me than he does the seventh.  That ain’t good for anyone.  And yeah, maybe I am just a dumb fuckin’ whore.  I sure as shit was before I met Jerax.  One or two nights and then just set them free.

*She swallows, voice cracking*

And so it shouldn’t have fucking mattered when Jerax said no.  I shouldn’t have had to play it off like a joke.  Like asking him to marry me was something I thought up on the fly to make him laugh on the way to that meeting.  It should have just been a joke.  Not real.

Not… 

*She wipes her eyes quickly, scowling*

Dhen-zaka found me bawling my damn eyes out like a kid on the way to the Nar Shaddaa shuttle. I took it instead of my ship, since the girls are living in my cargo bay still.  I don’t even have my damn ship any more.  He’s such a sweetheart.  Four months ago I would have fucked him just for fun, but now the idea of anyone else but Jerax in my bed makes my heart hurt.  He calmed me down and set me on my way with a hug.  

I’ll buy him some whiskey when I get back.  Niatara doesn’t know what she’s missing out on if she lets him slip through her fingers.

*She sniffs and tilts her chin almost arrogantly*

So fuck it.  Fuck all of it.  I’m going off the grid for a few days.  Seedy bars and bottomless whiskeys and dancing with the spiceheads like I used to do.  Get my own head clear twenty levels down on Nar Shaddaa.

Find Vyen’a again.  Be who I’m supposed to be again.

And I’ll come back and shit will be good.

Please, let it be better.

!!! VISUAL FEED ENDED!  SAVE RECORDING? Y/N !!!