That's CAPTAIN Vyen'a to you, kid.

Spark of Dissent

HOLO 44.2.248://

TEXT READOUT

DISPLAY? Y/N

I’m getting real sick of the attitude of a lot of Jedi.  Just because me and mine aren’t force sensitive doesn’t mean we aren’t worth a little bit of common decency.  We’re more than just meat shields for their reindeer games, or targets to mind fuck when they get irritated.

And unfortunately, it’s starting to feel like some of our allies in the Marran don’t see it that way.  That just because we’re not special snowflake force sensitive darlings, we don’t deserve the basic respect that jedi practically demand just by their presence.

I’m getting really sick of people idly throwing around references to “mindkriffing” people like they’re talking about picking up a cup of caf.  Getting really sick of patching up my boys in blue because they took a force blast to the chest and took to the air like a bird in an Alderaan spring, just to make some space for a jedi to run in and start swinging with their glowbat and get all the credit and glory.  

Sith bleed just as good from blaster fire as the next fucker, and I don’t care how all powerful they are, one Sith can’t deflect sustained fire from a dozen blasters at once.

And I know I ain’t the only one who feels this way.

Bald nearly went to blows with Ihlrath on the Hyperion last night.  Because one of Ihlrath’s people told Oz to go home… and Oz tried to walk out the airlock on their hangars.  Put that idea right in his head.  I might not like Oz - shit, that’s the understatement of the year - but I’ve saved his ass enough to know how he bleeds. They tried to say it was “just a suggestion”, but with everything Bald’s going through, dealing with Red…

It was nasty.

And the thing is, I don’t think any of the forcers get why he was so angry.  They don’t - or refuse to - see the ramifications of being able to just look at someone and make them think “Oh, I should go” but not have any control over how they’re going to do it.  To just idly affect someone’s actions like that, to take away their control?  It makes them no better than Sith.  Absolutely no better than those fucks who screwed up Red’s brain so badly.

And it didn’t help that Bald and I were in a little tiff not thirty seconds before Oz came wandering by, brain all scrambled.  About Red.  Because I guess I don’t know when to stop poking the bear when it comes to her.

And Nia’s probably mad at me now, too.  I told her I was trying to track down where Dhen fucked off to when he transferred out.  I want to drag his ass back by that busted nose of his so Nia can properly kick it for treating her like shit.  For fucking off without even saying so much as goodbye.  I deserved a goodbye, and she deserved a whole lot more than a shitty letter.

Fuck, man.  Last night just sucked.

Visual Feed

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Visual Feed attached.  Commence playback?:  Y/N

*The loud roar of a transport ship filters through the speakers before the static stops, settling on a familiar face.  Her eyes, however, are bloodshot and puffy, her cheeks drawn, and her mouth in an unsettling frown.  She sniffs before opening her mouth, laughing sharply.  It’s not a happy sound.*

I should be happy.  I should be fuckin’ ecstatic.  Morgan’s back.  They found him, and got him free.  Alive, too.  Pretty fucked up, but alive.  Last I saw him, he was floating in kolto on the fleet, Katalin practically hugging the tank to be near him.

*She grimaces, running her hand through her hair*

Fuckin’ Ozakif had to start picking.  And picking.  And…

Fuck.  I hate it.  He’s right.  That fuckin’ busted chronometer was right on time for once.  The lieutenant pays more attention to me than he does the seventh.  That ain’t good for anyone.  And yeah, maybe I am just a dumb fuckin’ whore.  I sure as shit was before I met Jerax.  One or two nights and then just set them free.

*She swallows, voice cracking*

And so it shouldn’t have fucking mattered when Jerax said no.  I shouldn’t have had to play it off like a joke.  Like asking him to marry me was something I thought up on the fly to make him laugh on the way to that meeting.  It should have just been a joke.  Not real.

Not… 

*She wipes her eyes quickly, scowling*

Dhen-zaka found me bawling my damn eyes out like a kid on the way to the Nar Shaddaa shuttle. I took it instead of my ship, since the girls are living in my cargo bay still.  I don’t even have my damn ship any more.  He’s such a sweetheart.  Four months ago I would have fucked him just for fun, but now the idea of anyone else but Jerax in my bed makes my heart hurt.  He calmed me down and set me on my way with a hug.  

I’ll buy him some whiskey when I get back.  Niatara doesn’t know what she’s missing out on if she lets him slip through her fingers.

*She sniffs and tilts her chin almost arrogantly*

So fuck it.  Fuck all of it.  I’m going off the grid for a few days.  Seedy bars and bottomless whiskeys and dancing with the spiceheads like I used to do.  Get my own head clear twenty levels down on Nar Shaddaa.

Find Vyen’a again.  Be who I’m supposed to be again.

And I’ll come back and shit will be good.

Please, let it be better.

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Visual Feed

HOLO 346.2.075://

!!!ALERT!!!

Visual Feed attached.  Commence playback?:  Y/N

*The familiar backdrop of a ship’s control console flickers into view, the camera focusing and re-focusing on a woman’s profile.  Instead of her usual grin, her face is drawn, tired.  She stares out to the stars, a frown on her mouth.*

I don’t know what’s happening to me.  Ever since I was in the med tents with my leg, I’ve been angry.  Constantly.  My temper is always right at the surface.  I’m snapping at everyone.  It’s harder to smile.  That sucks.  I like smiling.  Too many people never smile.

And then last night…

*She reaches off-screen, pulling a half-smoked cigarette to her lips and taking a long drag.*

Whatever that fucking recovery was on Ilum was pointless.  Those privates didn’t need to die.  Morgan, Oz, and that new guy didn’t need to get holes punched in them by a thousand pieces of shrapnel.  I didn’t need that fucking Jedi in my face, telling us a body wasn’t worth it. 

I will be maker-bedamned if I ever leave someone behind.

*She stubs the cigarette out against the console, blowing a puff of smoke out from between her lips angrily.*

Maker help Ozakif if he ever, ever insults me like that again. If he ever insults Jerax like that again.  He’s damn lucky I was there; he would have bled out in the snow if not.  For him to just—

*Her teeth grit and she falls silent, staring out at the stars a moment.*

I should not have let my temper get the better of me like that.  I should not have said what I did.  I should not have punched his fucking teeth down his throat, and especially not in front of Jerax and that Jedi.

No matter how damn good it felt to do so.

*She sighs, rubbing the space between her eyes with her thumb and forefinger*

I just wish I knew what’s wrong with me.  I hope this vacation Jerax is taking me on will help.  Even if it’s just for a few days.  It has to help.

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