That's CAPTAIN Vyen'a to you, kid.

HOLO 001.42.22://

So the Mr and Miss Nar Shaddaa beauty contest was last night.  It was a time, that’s for sure.  I didn’t win.  Jerax didn’t win.  What a crock.  He was clearly the best looking man in the entire show.

At least the people who did win weren’t horrible.  It wasn’t that twit who was writhing around like some desperate bantha in heat, giving all Mirialan women a bad name, or that horrible opera singer twi’lek with the sneery smile. Please, who the fuck did they think they’re fooling?

I had the fan vote, at least.  I know that much.  So did my soldier.  How can you not love a man in uniform?  Although if one of them had acted on what she was screeching at Jerax from somewhere in the crowd, she and I may’ve had to have Some Words.

And I have a really rather pretty formal gown, now, too.  Maker knows where I’d ever wear it, but it’s there.

The best part about the entire evening came after the event was over.  Jerax and I found this tiny little stall selling Corellian finger foods tucked back in this little odd corner of the festival, so he got a little taste of home while on Nar Shaddaa.  The smile on his face was just… it was perfect.  A few little nibbles, a few bottles of ale, and then back to my ship for the night.  Woke up this morning wrapped in his arms and the whole day started out just perfect.

Apparently the planetary color associated with Corellia is green.  There are so many jokes I’ll be teasing him with for that little nugget of information.

I should go wake him up.

HOLO 097.13.367://

!!!ALERT!!!

Visual Feed attached.  Commence playback?:  Y/N

***

*The recording device attempts to focus on the blurry figure silhouetted against a ship’s front window. It finally settles on a tired green figure, feet propped up on the back of the control chair as she perches on a directional panel.  She’s clutching what appears to be a coffee mug and yawns before she begins to speak.*

About two hours ago, Jerax and another soldier named… shit, I can’t remember.  Greysen, maybe?  Anyway, they helped me haul Jerhal’s damn-near unconscious ass back here to the ship.  He’s unconcious in my med bay now.  Greysen or whatever is pulling some strings to go along with this paperwork I just finished, to get him a few days of mandatory medical leave.  And Jerax is where I wanted him to be: asleep in my bed.  I was just hoping to be there with him.

*She sighs, bringing the mug to her mouth and tilting her head back to drain the contents, then sets it aside, wiping the corner of her mouth with her thumb.*

I should probably start back at the beginning.

Jerax and I were wandering around the promenade on Nar Shaddaa.  That Hutt festival is going on right now, so we were looking at all the sights and rubbing elbows with contest judges.  Ran into that Rattataki agent Rythe again.  Jerax got all puffy and jealous when Rythe slinked his arm around my waist, but calmed down after a few appraising looks on both their parts.

Jerhal came up then, Rythe left - gave Jerax an 8 out of 10, which is total bullshit, he’s at minimum a 9.5 - to go wherever the hell imp agents go, and then Jerax and I left to go look at the stalls and sights and just get some maker bedamn’ed quality time together.  Saw that gorgeous twi’lek Jerhal’s enamored with, so took the time to flirt a bit and talk him up at the same time.

Managed to make Jerax blush at least seven times in that one conversation.  He’s even cuter when he blushes than when he’s jealous.

*She grins a little bit at the memory, then sighs.*

We ended up sitting and talking and cuddling over by the imp’s barge.  Just being together.  Maker, it was perfect.  We get so little alone time actually face to face that when we do we’re usually doing other things.  Most of our conversations happen over comm or in a noisy cantina.  So just sitting there and watching the world go by with my head on his shoulder and his arm around me was a little slice of bliss.

Jerhal came up and joined the conversation.  That’s when we knew we had problems.  He was falling asleep on his feet, absolutely exhausted, and belligerent as all fuck.  We told him we were taking him back to my ship to get some rest, he fought it - well, as best as he could, really, but he was slurring from exhaustion so badly he just sort of trudged along.  We finally got him to the taxi to get back to the hangars and he refused to budge.  Ihlrath - that jedi from the other night - and Greysen and some other jedi walked up and tried to help, and Jerhal just got more and more belligerent and stand-offish.

He finally just walked away.  I told the others to let me talk to him alone, and I did.  I managed to get him to listen enough for me to give him a hug… and that’s when it just took over him and he fucking collapsed right on top of me like a bag of rocks.  Absolutely out.

*She sighs again, rubbing the scar on her cheek*

He’d been going so hard on whiskey and adrenaline for so long that his body finally said “Fuck it!”  He went into shock on the way to the ship.  We got him taken care of, though.

I really hope Greysen manages to get those strings pulled.  

*She picks up the comm; the focus jostles a bit, then re-settles on her face.*

At least tonight everything ended up okay.  Or it will.

And I get to sleep in Jerax’s arms.

 !!! VIDEO FEED TERMINATED !!!

HOLO 24.11.245://

Ugh.  What a hangover.

A chunk of last night sucked the most filthiest of womp rat tails.  Fortunately, even though Jerax and I were viciously and completely cock blocked by command ONCE FUCKING AGAIN (bastards), the rest of the day wasn’t horrible.

And I did get some sweet kisses.  Mmmmm, kisses.

For some reason, the Senate requested the 7th to run a security detail on Coruscant.  Some amateur smuggler was trying to get infiltrator data chips to a few corrupt senators, and the high ups figured the 7th would be a good choice for stopping them.  So in the middle of a glorious evening, I was watching them parade around in full armor.  Really a rather impressive sight.  And Private Asirra and I were standing on either side of the walkway that led to to main plaza.  

We spotted the smuggler pretty quickly - had some holos and a decent description, plus he looked as nervous as a baby nerf around starving vorn tigers.  Amateur.  He spotted the soldiers pretty quick, including Asirra.  Skirted them and thought he was safe, he did.

Too bad his mama never told him to look out for the pretty girls that whistle.  Wrapped him up and around my finger quicker than shit, and it was lights out for his little operation.

That was fun.

Afterward, we all went to the cantina on Carrick and knocked back a few drinks.  Decided to whisper some sweet nothing to Jerax in Mirialan - he loves it when I do that - and before I knew it, we were curled up and enjoying each other’s company in his private quarters.

Fuckin’ command, ruining our moment.  AGAIN.

So I stumbled my drunk ass back to the cantina and cried on Jerhal’s shoulder.  He was vaguely sympathetic.

Sort of.

That man needs to get laid.

He and I and a jedi named Ihlrath ended up drinking at the Slippery Slopes cantina in the promenade on Nar Shaddaa.  I will say my ass was looking fabulous, and after I caught Ihlrath looking once, well.  I couldn’t not tease him about it, now, could I?  He blushed up pretty good and got all stammery each time, too.

Fun!

Of course, Jerhal nearly got us all killed by telling some Sith bitch to get a haircut and a job.  It was funny as balls at the time, but looking back?  Probably not the greatest thing to happen.  Fortunately, we all managed to make it out without getting in a fight - although that would have been a blast - and the boys headed back to the fleet.

I spent some time browsing the all-night shops.  Found a present for Jerax.  Found a few special lady toys for myself.

Fuckin’ command.

HOLO 34.2.353://

JSUT WHEN TIHNGS WERE STAEMING UP.

JSUT WEHN JERAX AN I WERE FINLALY GETITNG TIME TOGEHTER.

I JSUT GOT CCOKBLOKCED BY FUKCING FLEET COMANND.

NOT ENOUOGH BOOZE IN TEH GALXAY FOR TIHS.

FUCK!

HOLO 04.2.431://

I’ve been trying to write Jerax a letter.  Cheesy, right?  But I’m stuck on Coruscant waiting for suppliers to get their damn act together and I haven’t seen him in a week and he’s on my mind, constantly.  We talk every day over comm, but it’s just not the same.

So I’ve been trying to write him a love letter.

I think I finally found something I’m not any good at.  Damn.  Knew the day would come eventually, but it still stings.

Seriously though, how do you write a love letter and make it sound sincere?  All the tripe I’ve pushed out sounds like scripts rejected from bad holodramas because they’re too sappy.

I don’t do sappy.

But I do love him.  

This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.  That’s what she said!  YEAH!  

…ugh.  I’ve been spending too much time with Jerhal.

HOLO 96.4.127://

Still a little bit hung over from last night.  Don’t care.  What started out as another night talking shit with Jerhal at the cantina took a shittastic turn.

Even if that pretty twi’lek he’s interested in flirted with me.  Hard.

I hate that people assume that because I smuggle things that aren’t quite above the board, I’m one of those fucks that runs spice or deals in slave trade or weapons running.

Never.  Never ever ever.  Ever.

Illegal weaponry and spice killed my childhood, my family, everyone I loved when I was young, right in front of my eyes.  I’d sooner gouge my own eyes out with a vibroblade set on puree than even let one package of that shit on my rig.

And I don’t even think Bald knows he implicated me like that.

Take that, combined with that idiot fresh from Mirial, trying to explain the way of the priest from home to a bar full of soldiers, drunks, and Jedi…

Yeah, I’m actually surprised I stopped drinking when I did.

HOLO 94.3.668://

Spent the evening with the 7th last night.  Instead of going on a normal patrol somewhere maker-forsaken like Taris or Alderaan, they’re currently on Voss, as part of a… peacekeeping mission?  Show of force to fuck with the Imps?  Don’t know, don’t care, as long as no one gets hurt.  Sat around and watched them do drills; they made sure I was in them, too, so I know what to do on those rare occasions I go out with them.

that was rather nice of them, I though.  Of course, it was Jerax and Jerhal, so.  Makes sense.  Those boys are pretty great.

So it was a lovely and calm evening, and we were all sitting around the cantina.  Jerax and I were all snuggled at the bar and it was just lovely.  Then, of course, something ruined it.  The 7th got called in for guard duty for a group of Jedi doing… maker, I’m still not sure what the hell was going on.  All I know is that there were a shitload of Sith there, too, and they were talking about some relic and then they all crowded around some stone and POOF disappeared.

What.

The.

Shit.

So the 7th - including me - and some Sith-hired mercs and a few Padawans were all sitting around outside guarding… I have no idea.  The rock, I guess?  Bummed a few smokes off one of the mercs and chatted him up a bit about my baby - my ship, I mean.  He seems to have a bead on some good upgrades, but apparently he didn’t realize that ship repair and maintenance?   Honey, that is my forté.

I could also feel Jerax’ eyes boring holes in us from across the way.  It’s so cute when he gets jealous.

Then all of a sudden all the Jedi and Sith were back and there was shouting and blood and I was trying to patch up one of the Jedi who was hurt pretty bad and all I could think of was that patrol on Alderaan where the poor kid died and hnnnngh.

This one didn’t though.  Last I saw, she was peacefully dozing away submerged in a kolto tank.  I hate that nap.

Damn near put another padawan into a nap of a different sort myself.  What a bitch.  She refused medical care, then fucking force threw Jerhal into a fucking wall and took off.  I managed to full-body tackle her scrawny ass before she got too far and someone physically dragged her back to the med bay.  Jerhal was okay, thank the maker.  Just a concussion and a bad attitude.

Fuck.

If I ever see that little shit’s face again, I will make it a point to show her exactly why you do not fuck with my friends.  Stuck up little shit who thinks she’s too good for modern medicine.

FUCK.

Grr.  Rawrgh.

Bitch.

Jerhal and I ended up back where we started, in the cantina.  Jerax and the rest of the 7th had dissipated, which sucked.  

Poor Jerhal.  He tries to put up such a brave front, but maker, is he lonely.  He’s got it bad for this one Twi’lek whose name I can never remember, but from the sounds of it, she’s one of those keep ‘em at arm’s length type.

Sort of like I used to be.

Gotta find that man a little someone to love.

…maybe that’ll be my new project. 

HOLO 98.1.483://

That little fucker lied to me.  Jerax.  His cousin wasn’t in a horrible speeder accident. He wasn’t even in the hospital.  He lied because he had to get away from the cantina.  From me.  And from Jerhal.

Because Jerhal decided to open his big mouth and have a talk with him.

So this whole past week of worrying, of holding off on making any comms in case he was busy?  It was all for nothing.

And I’m perfectly okay with it.

He loves me.  That’s why he walked away.  Jerhal’s talk just spooked him; he didn’t realize his feelings were so strong, I guess.  He was just trying to figure out what to do.  So last night, after the patrol around Voss (beautiful planet, I need to see how much a rental would be there.), he told me he needed to talk to me in private.

Didn’t realize my heart could drop to my feet that much.  I was actually sort of sure he was going to dump my ass.  How embarrassing would that have been?

But no.  He took my hands into his and told me he loved me.  Pretty fantastic, if I do say so myself.  

…Made last night all the more special, too.

So this it what it’s like to be in love.

A girl could get used to this.

HOLO 92.0.111://

I love him.

Maker, that’s terrifying.

But I do.  I love him.

I need to tell him.  Not now.  He’s too busy, and a cousin back on Corellia was in a bad speeder accident.  Too much on his mind now.

But soon.

Oh maker, I love him.  What do I do?

HOLO 90.4.337://

Went on patrol with the 7th again last night.  Small group, clearing out a warehouse back on Ord Mantell.  Quick in and out; they needed me to go because I knew how to slice into the systems faster than anyone they had available.

Jerax was leading, so it’s not like I minded.

I’d shown him how I can sneak around undetected while we were at dinner the other day, so he asked me to scout ahead.  Good thing I did; sniffed out a hidden ambush party and alerted the rest.  Everyone got back safe and sound and mostly unharmed. I say mostly because a blaster bolt grazed my arm.  Tore my shirt and shook me up, but the damage other than that was minimal.

I really liked that shirt, too.  Oh well.

After all was said and done, Jerax and I took a little walk and ended up right smack where we started, right by the holobox.  Told him how I entered the Miss Nar Shaddaa contest and he actually said he was going to enter too, because he couldn’t stand the thought of seeing me up there with some other guy.

I’m still not sure what to say to that.  It was so unexpected.  I mean, I’ve had guys be jealous over me before, but that doesn’t count.  It’s not like they mattered.  Jerax matters.  I guess he really does like me that much.

I’m really glad for that part.

I think I love him.

HOLO 86.13.367://

!!!ALERT!!!

Visual Feed attached.  Commence playback?:  Y/N

***

*The recording device attempts to auto-focus a few times before settling on a pretty green face, freshly scrubbed.  It appears Vyen’a has just stepped out of the shower; her shoulders are bare and a thick cloth is wrapped around her chest and head.   She taps one finger on the desk, a small smile on her face, looking off to the side and out of viewing range of the camera*

I can’t stop thinking about dinner the other night.  The night after that maker-forsaken patrol.

He did it.  He really did it.  He pulled some strings in some places and pulled rank in some others and there I was, dining on some of the most amazing food I ever had, smack dab in the middle of a private suite in Organa Palace.  Hell, I even wore a dress.  And Jerax…

*she trails off, smile growing wider and almost shy*

Well.  I’ve yet to see him look bad in or out of anything.

I have never felt like this before in my life.  I mean, sure, I had the weird survivor attachment crush thing on Jai what seems like seventeen lifetimes ago, but this… this is different.

I have no idea what this is.

*A quick burst of breath and she leans back in the chair, bringing a thin cigarette to her lips and lighting it as she looks toward the ceiling.  The camera attempts to auto focus, picking up a pile of clothes in the background, then a flyer for the Nar Shaddaa beauty contest in the foreground, before finally finding her face again.*

I wish I had girlfriends like I did when I was a kid.  Someone to whisper secrets with and gossip and talk about anything.  I could use some of that camaraderie right about now.  Maybe they’d be able to help me figure this out.

Or at least they’d tell me to stop being a frelling twit and get back to what I’m best at: just me, my ship, and every horizon I could ever want.

*She to the side again, the small smile returning at whatever she sees, and she reaches toward the camera.*

But now, I think I might want more than that.

!!!VISUAL FEED TERMINATED!!!

HOLO 85.9.115://

So I was on Nar Shaddaa, looking for a present for my favorite soldier, when a very brightly colored sign happened to catch my eye.

THE FIRST ANNUAL MR AND MISS NAR SHADDAA BEAUTY CONTEST

Oh hell yes.

I am entering that shit so hard.  I might try to get Jerax to enter, too.

…hell, it’s on Nar Shaddaa.  I’ll buy drinks for any other member of the 7th who enters as well.

This is going to be fun.

HOLO 83.5.441://

Someone died on patrol tonight.

We - the 7th and me - were all teamed up with a group of jedi.  They’d gotten wind of a huge droid construct put up by House Thul on Alderaan… so we went to go disassemble it.

It was the biggest droid I’ve ever seen in my life.

And it did not want to be disassembled.

And Jerax took point and went in, blaster rifle primed and firing.  And then there was the hum of light sabers and smoke and sparks and it was all I could do to get under the thing and fire up, up, up into its inner workings, hoping to hell it wouldn’t collapse on me.  

And then the smoke cleared and it was over.  It was laying in the creek where we found it, hissing steam and spitting sparks.  

The 7th was all okay.  Ozakif got banged up, but I was able to get him patched until he could get to a good medic.  Jerax was fine.  The others were fine.

But one of the jedi was missing.

We found him against the rock face that edged the creek.  I tried to help, to do something… it looked like he took an explosion, got thrown backward, and smashed his skull and neck on the rock.  It would have been an instant kill.

Maker, I hope it was an instant kill.

The rest of the patrol was cut short.  They’d found their target.  The jedi’s body went to the force.  Jerax stayed at where the 7th is set up to do paperwork and help the jedi finish what they could.

I went to my ship and threw up.

It was over so fast.  He looked so young, and just like that, he was gone.  The people who love him will never see him again.  They’ll never hear his laugh.  They’ll never see his smile.  They’ll never be able to say they love him again.

And for any of us, it could be over that quick.

I should…  I should.

HOLO 78.3.246://

Jai’enko.  My brother.  Oh, my brother.

I haven’t seen him since the night I ran away.  And suddenly, there he was.  Standing in the middle of the fleet cantina.  

A little taller.  A little more filled out.  He was not-quite 18 when I ran.  That was eight years ago.  But it was him.  I damn near started crying.  I ran and tackled him and hugged him so tight.  I never thought I’d see him again.

And he called me his little bird, and my heart soared.  Everything… everything came back.  All the memories of sitting up at night after lights out, whispering so they wouldn’t catch us.

And Jerhal was at the cantina with me.  And the look he was giving Jai would have killed a few lesser men three times over.  I think… I don’t know what I think.  Maker help him if he thinks I would jump someone like that now that I’m with Jerax, though.

I can’t wait for Jerax and Jai to meet.

Fuckin’ a.  I have my brother again.

Best day ever.

HOLO 77.8.222://

Holy crap so much to say I don’t even know where to begin.

On Alderaan.  Arm messed up from going on patrol and looking incredibly delicious to some local wildlife.

Jerax… I told him my real name.  No one else knows it.  

I think I might be falling for him.

Best of all

I FOUND MY BROTHER.

Well.  Sort of brother.

Oh man.

Head is spinning.  Absolutely exhausting whirlwind few days.

I’m so happy I could just spit, though.  Even with my arm hurting.

I’ll break it down for posterity later.  I need to sleep.